


Looking for a Bit of Hope

by lost_in_pink



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Declarations Of Love, Fluff, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens), M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Apocalypse, Uncertainty, im so new at this I dont know how to tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-14 03:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19264705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lost_in_pink/pseuds/lost_in_pink
Summary: “You can stay at my place. If you like.”The words were spoken so tenderly, so affectionately. His immortal heart skipped a beat and Aziraphale felt… well, he wasn’t sure what he felt. Fear? Longing? Hope?A smile almost ghosted his face, but he held it down. They had been through so much. Faced Heaven and Hell together. He wanted nothing more than to go with him but…A million thoughts and fears plagued his mind in a fraction of a moment.





	Looking for a Bit of Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I have only written one other fic, it was years ago on Quizilla. Maybe over 12 years ago. It was titled "A RockLee Love Story" if you were one of the three people to read it.  
> I do hope I did an ok job at this. I really loved the tv show and have been itching to write something since I watched it.  
> I'm really nervous if I did an ok job. Feel free to give any and all criticism. I want to grow and won't get my feelings hurt. 
> 
> I absolutely love this pair and have so many headcanons and ideas what happened after the Apocalypse. This is just one of many ideas. I may end up writing for the same scene but from an entirely different perspective later. Who knows.  
> Anyways, enough rambling. I do appreciate that you have read this. Thank you. <3

“You can stay at my place. If you like.”  
  
The words were spoken so tenderly, so affectionately. His immortal heart skipped a beat and Aziraphale felt… well, he wasn’t sure what he felt. Fear? Longing? Hope?  
A smile almost ghosted his face, but he held it down. They had been through so much. Faced Heaven and Hell together. He wanted nothing more than to go with him but…  
A million thoughts and fears plagued his mind in a fraction of a moment.  
He knew Crowley loved him. Not just in that moment but in countless before. He always knew it in a way. Always ignored it, it wasn’t right after all. Not how things were done. Not safe. It's not safe to say yes. It’s not safe to love. There is so much that could go wrong, there is so much they could lose.

“I don’t think my side would like that.”

He looked away as he said it. The disappointment, fear, longing all hanging in the air. Every part of his celestial being yearning to say yes for once.  
Every time Crowley reached out to him, he deflected. Every time he extended the olive branch, he cast it aside. Why should now be any different? How could now be any safer? He faced Satan himself and yet still he felt anchored by his fears.

“You don’t have a side anymore. Neither of us do. We’re on our own side. Like Agnes said, we’re going to have to choose our faces wisely.”

Crowley’s eyes pierced into him. Like he could see right through to the back of his head and know exactly what he was thinking.  
He was good at that. Seeing through him.  
The dark shades didn’t hide the looks he gave him. Aziraphale always noticed and it made him uncomfortable. But… maybe it was because he wondered if that meant the demon could see his longing gazes just as easily.  
This look almost burned him. It held so much in it. The same hope and fear that Aziraphale felt inside himself. But softer, entreating.  
Crowley wore it all on his sleeve. Right there, just for him. Asking him to come home with him. Asking him to love him. That honesty scared him.

And all this talk of “our own side”. Like it was that easy. Like they could just be together, simple as jam on a cracker. That he could just give in to the hope and… that everything would be ok.  
He stared ahead, and they sat in silence as he processed.  
  
Crowley raised his hand for the bus to stop. Aziraphale paused and stopped… “choose our faces”. He glanced at Crowley as they rose. She couldn’t have meant… each other’s faces, could she? Because that would be insane. What would that accomplish except Heaven and Hell taking the wrong person for punishment? Except. If those punishments were unique to a demon and an angel. One that would surely kill one but not the other.

A flutter of hope filled his chest. Aziraphale followed Crowley onto the bus absentmindedly. Following him back, he lowered himself down and barely processed that Crowley had taken his hand. Had helped him sit and was now rubbing the back of his knuckles.  
Crowley was facing the window as if watching the countryside pass them by. But for a moment Aziraphale could see his yellow eyes glow against the glass staring at him. His cheeks hot he turned away and stared at the dirt scattered across the bus floor.  
Crowley’s hand was still over his, the warmth of it burning him.  
He didn’t know what to do. It was so casual. So normal. Hadn’t he just rejected him? Hadn’t he said no? And yet here he was, smoothing the worry out of his hand. Making him feel safe, despite it all.  
Aziraphale closed his eyes and leaned his head against the seat. And sighed. This was a lot to take, all things considered.

They stayed that way for the two hours it took to get to London. Not looking at each other. Crowley’s hand on his and the electricity that hung in the air fried his nerves raw. He felt hot. Uncomfortable. He felt split in two. Two halves fighting to be closer to Crowley or to run away. He decided best not do anything then. Just sit there. He’ll know what to do when they get to London.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bus eventually reached London and even pulled up directly in front of what could only be assumed to be Crowley’s flat. Crowley generously tipped the poor confused driver and with a snap sent him on his way. Implanting memories of why he was there to ease his mind. He then led Aziraphale up to his flat.  
There was something different about him. Usually, he would saunter around with the confidence of someone who owned the place. And in this case, he did. But instead, he seemed a little more closed off than usual. A little more tentative with his movements.  
Unlocking the door, he ushered Aziraphale inside with his hand on the small of his back. Gently leading him past his office, a wonderfully tended garden room, and all the way into the back of the apartment.

Aziraphale shuffled in place awkwardly. Crowley was busying himself with getting some wine from the pantry and had left him in a cozy living room. A miracled fire crackled happily in a modern looking fireplace and a modern looking couch sat in the middle of a modernly decorated room. Everything in here was just so MODERN.  The whole flat was modern. Crowley always had been one to be up to date with things, but here it was just strikingly obvious the difference in their tastes. Not that Aziraphale didn’t like it. It was cozy and inviting. It was just that the newness was adding to the growing discomfort of this whole ordeal.

But he was just getting distracted. He had almost realized something earlier. Something about what Agnes said. He needed to focus. This was why he decided to come along with Crowley. To talk about this. To see if it was anything. To see if there was hope.

“Alright, here you go, Angel.” Crowley handing Aziraphale a generous glass of red wine then walked over to the couch and sprawled.

“Oh, yes. Thank you, dear.” Aziraphale fidgeted there for a moment before finally just going to the opposite end of the couch and sitting as well. The air hung with everything said and unsaid between them. It was a large couch, but Crowley’s sprawling legs were close enough to barely touch his own. He could feel the heat of him.  
Aziraphale broke the silence first.  
  
“I think I figured it out.”  
  
“Oh?” Crowley drolled casually.

“When Agnes said we need to ‘Choose our faces wisely’ what if she meant that literally?” He shifted in place in nervous excitement. “Tell me, if Hell was coming to get you tomorrow, what would be your punishment?”

“Well, since I used holy water to kill a demon, I would assume they would use Holy Water.”

“Right. And what would you say would be my punishment up in Heaven?”

“A really stern talking to and a nice jig around a May Pole?”

“Please be serious, dear.”

“Alright. I would say they would use Hell Fire. What, are you trying to imply Agnes wants us to switch bodies so that if… no When we are taken by Heaven and Hell we are taken to the wrong punishments?”

“That’s exactly what I’m implying.”

“They can’t be that daft. Switching faces doesn’t change the essence of who we are. I’m still a demon. You’re still an angel. Wouldn’t we, I dunno. Smell different or something?”

“Maybe they Can be that daft. You said it yourself, we are on our own side. Maybe they would just think we’ve changed?”

“So, you agree with me then?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“So, you finally agree that we are on our own side?”

“Well, that’s not really the point. I… I… well yes. Yes, I guess I do. Oh, Crowley, I’m just so… scared. What are we going to do? Am I suggesting something impossible?” Aziraphale’s forehead lines suddenly furrowed deep with intense anxiety.

“Angel, we’ve done the impossible. We stopped the Apocalypse, didn’t we? Together we can do anything.” Crowley leaned forward and tentatively placed his hand over Aziraphale’s. His hand still like Aziraphale would pull away.

Aziraphale froze at the touch. At the same warmth and kindness he tried to ignore on the bus. This was the moment to decide. Everything hinged on this.  
He curled his hand around and squeezed the demons.

“I suppose you’re right. I just… don’t want to lose you.”

“Angel… *sigh* I don’t want to beat around the bush any longer. I’ve been hopelessly mad about you for 6000 years. Look at me.” He raised his hand to tenderly cup Aziraphale’s face. “Neither Heaven nor Hell can tear us apart. We are going to do this crazy plan of yours and everything is going to be ok. You hear me? I love you.” Crowley smiled softly and his eyes burned pleadingly. He was again burning holes into Aziraphale with that look. As much as his words said this look said a thousand more. 6000 years’ worth of pining and repressed hope. All radiating in a single look.

Aziraphale leaned into the touch and closed his eyes. He breathed in the smell of leather and smoke and of dirt and wine. Everything felt warm and right and he for the first time finally felt at peace. He finally felt like he could give in. He could say what he’s always felt.

“Oh, I love you too, my dear. I’m with you then. To the End of the World and Back. Against Heaven and Hell. On our own side for the rest of time.”

Opening his eyes and giving his own soft smile, Aziraphale reached forward and gently took off Crowley’s shades. Then leaning in close until their lips almost touched, he whispered,

“Could I kiss you now? If that’s ok?”

“Tch, if you have to ask-”  
  
Aziraphale kissed him before he could finish whatever snark remark he had. Crowley’s breath caught and Aziraphale took that moment to put his hand behind his head and pull him closer. Their kiss deepening. It tasted like an eternity of longing and they savored every moment of it.  


They pulled apart with silly giddy smiles. Shyly they parted and reached for their wine.

Aziraphale coughed politely, “Well, we really should iron out this plan before it gets to late. We have no idea when they will come for us. It could be in a week, a month, or it could even be tomorrow. We should be prepared."  
  
And so, they sat and talked for hours. Drinking wine and laughing about other things the conversation often side-tracked into. After much deliberation and many bottles of wine later they finally had a plan.  
Happy and content that everything really was going to be ok they leaned into each other and smiled.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by "Those Nights" by Bastille from the Doom Days album.  
> Alternate title "You Never Get to Heaven on a Night Like This"  
> (For the alternate title I am planning on just adding another chapter after this. I had originally intended for this to be NSFW but... the softness got away from me. There is so much potential and inspiration from the song that I want to explore. So I guess if yall like this then I will.)


End file.
